‘Standing just 50 miles west of the first National Historical Site (a dull walkthrough of American maritime history), ‘The Last National Historical Site’ has been the subject of much debate. Establishment and funding for the site has been traced back to 1958 where it is first mentioned in the fine print of an otherwise unrelated bill, seemingly passed over by Congress and put into motion by entities that had learned not to question the fickle whims of their governing bodies.
Plans for the site included a small parking lot, a sign post, a number of artificial mineral licks, and about 11 miles of chain-link fence, which was to cordon off a surprisingly specific plot of land. Several years later, a similarly mysterious addendum funded a metal plaque for the site, which reads ‘The event that explained itself.’
For all intents and purposes, ‘The Last National Historical Site’ is an unused and unappealing plot of land, requiring so little maintenance from the government that revoking its status would not be worth the bureaucratic headache, no matter how minor it might be. Its visitors consist mainly of fringe groups- your myriad doom-sayers and amateur occultists who believe their event will be the one that finally explains itself in this vast, uncaring circle. At the time of publication, no amount of arcane prodding has stirred the site into motion, no tectonic quaking from the mouth of a millennial wizard, no gods born of writhing orgies.
It was with great disappointment that, in the fall of 2003, an ancient object of unknown origin was discovered just 60 feet outside of ‘The Last National Historical Site’ by a group of high school students who reportedly tracked the thing by its distinctive, mechanical whining. Greater disappointment followed when a ‘monstrous man’ was spotted on eight separate occasions in 2015, each encounter being within a half mile of the site but never quite inside.
The unspeaking husband of Alyssa Crystal has described, through gestures, his suspicions that the mineral licks should be at the front and center of any investigations into the spiritual significance of ‘The Last National Historical Site.’ With a series of obscene hand movements, he has illustrated a means in which the area’s deer may act as a distribution system for the government’s licks, the contents of which could very well be ‘postponing the inevitable.’
Alyssa Crystal, when asked to comment, called the idea ‘vulgar’ but not without merit, citing the case of Robert Ledbetter, who claims to have rid his house of poltergeists through a high-salt diet and urine-marking, but may have simply pissed himself and sobered up.
-excerpt, Autumn by the Wayside
