Lester County is the nation’s worst-case scenario- the place that weighs heaviest on America’s intricate web of federal laws and regulations. The residents represent a collection of angry textualists, each looking for the loophole that will allow them to get rich or trespass or murder or sue. It represents one end of the dangerous circle-spectrum, where lawlessness is indiscernible from lawfulness except in regards to intent.
Interested travelers would do well to pick up any of a number of advisory guides prior to their visit. The punishing justice of Lester manifests in ever-changing trends, spiking with perceived profitability and collapsing with quick, legal patches. It’s a dangerous place to live and, like much of America, it’s a dangerous place to be in the hands of police. Law students, sniffing about for an easy thesis, have such a tendency to end up incarcerated that the children of Lester pronounce ‘jail’ with the Swedish ‘J.’
This author’s interests lie in Lester’s unique destinations. The county claims the longest and most deadly crosswalk, for instance, though locals will argue that nobody has technically been killed on the crosswalk itself. ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ is the only crosswalk within county lines that isn’t situated at a stop sign or signal. It is approximately two miles long, though its entrance and exit exist within several yards of each other. Its width varies from a comfortable 15 feet to a narrow three at crucial junctures. It was allowed to fade to near imperceptibility in previous years, though this has been ruled unlawful at last.
Stepping off ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ is reason enough for any motorist to strike a pedestrian. It’s reason enough to be cited for jaywalking (and run-ins with Lester County police rarely end there). It’s considered reckless endangerment to change direction on the crosswalk. Baiting law-abiding vehicles has led to charges of inciting violence. A 2019 ruling only just confirmed that the legal definition of a crosswalk in Lester County encompasses the entire length of the indicated path, not just the white stripes.
On the flipside, there is no prescribed speed at which one must take ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ providing that the pedestrian can prove that they are technically moving forward. Moving very, very slowly is entirely lawful, as is dashing, very suddenly, in front of the vehicle of an unsuspecting tourist. More than one person has emerged from ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ rich and mangled. Those willing to take the gamble should note that ejection from ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ due to vehicle collision does not contradict the county’s generous definition of jaywalking. Anyone that strikes a legally traveling entity on ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ has a sudden vested interest in making sure the pedestrian stays down.
The thing about Lester County is that so little is able to change. ‘The Long Walk in Lester’ is the same as it was years ago and I know it by heart. I know the people, as well. Their ill intent. I don’t need a guide to guess at whatever game they’re playing currently. Lester County residents learn, early, the larger shape of what it means to take advantage and to be taken advantage of. It hardens around them like a tortoise shell, a body and a home.
-traveler
