‘The information age has largely done away with mystery and those mysteries, those surprises, that remain, tend to be the scary, stressful unknowns that plague adulthood and leave us looking cynically in the rear-view mirror, wishing we had known a little better a little earlier and understanding, vaguely, that there are likely more cruel surprises ahead. Among the few soft surprises left is ‘The Random Button,’ located in an elevator in the U.S. Steel Tower in Pittsburgh. Locating the elevator can be a trial- it is not technically open to public use and is not among those that office regulars take normally. Travelers are encouraged to ask for the location of the restrooms and to follow the directions almost exactly opposite, which is difficult if the hired security is paying even a little bit of attention. There is something of an understanding among those who attend the U.S. Steel Tower for their daily grind- they recognize and seem to respect the need of travelers to find the elevator and will sometimes help. 

They will never enter the elevator themselves, however. 

The elevator is visually hostile. It creaks open and requires that riders open and close an inner gate. It shifts underfoot and seems to sag with any weight over 200 pounds, though a placard insists it’s rated to carry much more. There are a series of normal buttons in the elevator and two near the bottom of interest. ‘The Random Button’ is identified by an anachronistic ‘wacky face’ emoji. The button beside it indicates ’65,’ which is technically a floor above what actually exists in the U.S. Steel Tower. There is no information available on paper or online about what this button does, and such an informational black hole suggests that the result is so boring that nobody has ever cared to write about it, or is so disastrous that nobody has ever survived long enough to communicate the results. Travelers are encouraged not to press the button marked ’65.’ 

‘The Random Button’ does exactly what one might suspect: it chooses a floor at random and, when feeling playful, will sometimes cause the elevator to go up several floors and then drop down again as though teasing- as though making a decision on the fly. ‘The Random Button’ overrides whatever security might exist in the building, meaning that the elevator may stop at floors meant exclusively for maintenance staff. Some reports indicate the elevator may open onto random rooms. A busy conference hall. A bathroom stall. The fire escape at an uncomfortable elevation. These reports have not been verified, though travelers are encouraged to pause and consider their surroundings before making an exit. 

One other oddity: contrary to conventional wisdom, all signs near and within the elevator seem to encourage its use during a fire or a natural disaster. One report during such an event suggests the rider who, in their hurry, pressed ‘The Random Button,’ was deposited in the lobby of an entirely different building several blocks away and several days later, though to the rider, no time seemed to pass at all. Travelers, as always, are encouraged to pack sandwiches. 

You never know how long you might be away.

-an excerpt, Autumn by the Wayside