“Well, this is it. Feel free to have a look around. We only ask that you don’t touch any of the exhibits.”
By the look on the man’s face I understand that he’s implying I’ve already touched one of the exhibits- may still be touching it. I step to the right and the man’s face grows pained. I take two steps to the left and he seems to relax. When I squat down, I see a small tag poking out from under the rug I’ve trampled. It was apparently used in several episodes of Dr. Malarkey (1957).
There’s more on the tag but the man behind me clears his throat when I try to pull it out a little more. A small note nearby indicates the tag was added to the rug in 1998 when it appeared in The Museum Maze as an authentic prop prop.
“How long is a self-guided tour supposed to take?” I ask.
“The pamphlet says three hours.” The man cocks his head. “But I recommend five to be on the safe side.”
‘Formerly ‘Maxmillian’s House of Props,’ the institution known as ‘Mad Props’ is a casual traveler’s nightmare. Imagine, for a moment, that you are not traveling alone and are, instead, a part of some version of the American nuclear family and that your squealing children spy a sign in the distance that advertises the largest and most diverse collection of movie props in the nation. Imagine subsequent signs that list all the recent blockbusters for the kiddies and include a handful of titles from your own preferred genre. Seems like a crowd-pleaser. Seems like an easy stop to make.
‘Mad Props’ lives up to all its hype only via technicality. Its curators dig through Hollywood’s dumpsters and have filled a single family home with such a mundane collection of background items that even the most avid film connoisseurs will find themselves yawning. Worse, ‘Mad Props’ refuses to institute any sort of proper signage, relying on a system they call ‘unintrusive’ but which is, frankly, hidden.
This proved to be important in a 2020 lawsuit in which the defense (representing a man whose child engaged with a prop toilet) subpoenaed ‘Mad Props’s’ income documents and found that their profitability is entirely dependent upon their tendency to sue costumers for damages. The 2020 rebranding also added a very specific clause to the customer agreement, indicating in complex legalese what constitutes reasonable damage and what is in store for a traveler that unsuspectingly causes it. ‘Mad Props’ remains a tedious maze of an attraction. To make it more interesting to the traveler is to make it less fruitful for the owner and that sort of split only ever breaks one way.’
-traveler
