‘‘The Fridge-Magnet Safe-Hold’ (or FMSH) is relatively new to the Wayside and was a small, unadvertised venture until 2022 when fictional mob boss Tom Get (of the series, ‘Getmen’) uttered a now signature phrase: ‘sleeping with the fridges.’ This euphemism, seemingly misspoken, resolved itself at a scene filmed on-site at the ‘FMSH,’ in which Tom reveals that the business serves as a convenient way to ‘keep the fuzz from taking hold of ‘em’ (itself, a colloquialism for police investigation, not an allusion to mold). The episode proved popular enough that the ‘FMSH’ tactic for hiding bodies featured several more times- right up until a real body was discovered there.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves.
‘The Fridge-Magnet Safe-Hold is a fridge dump and magnet-storage solution all in one. It was founded with an understanding that many American families are upgrading to refrigerators that, through shape or material, are unable to hold the magnets that had become sentimental on previous models. For a small fee (discounted with the simultaneous donation of a fridge) a family can rent fridge space in a building that is, in all other ways, your average storage beehive. Units consist of a single fridge behind a clear plexiglass door so that the stored magnets can be viewed but not touched. For five dollars, anyone can walk the halls of the FMSH and admire the collections housed within except on Wednesdays and Saturday, when entry is reserved for unit holders only. This is likely when most people take a moment out of their week to store figurative skeletons in their closets, these fridges being mostly airtight and just inconspicuous enough to allow for the storage of petty secrets. The expectation for these skeletons to be ‘figurative’ is why the dead body felt like such a party foul to those who used the place as intended.’
Hector and I arrive at ‘The FMSH’ on a Thursday- a slow day, I’m told. Those other visitors I see around me tend to slot into a few categories: the true crime enthusiasts, the ‘Getmen’ fans, the fringe art students, and the miscellaneous drop-ins, like myself. The true-crime and Getman folks are crowded around a rather drab looking display in the northeast portion of ‘The FMSH.’ I stand near the back for a while before I understand why: the stench.
Something is rotting in the fridge.
A man, a tour guide I assume, has drawn the attention of the crowd to the plastic letter magnets on display, there, suggesting very generally that theoretical hitmen might (and fictional hitmen certainly would) leave coded messages in letters like these to ensure their fellows in crime might understand the nature of what is inside. The crowd eats this up, some trying to decipher the magnets, others asking if it might be wise to call the police, secretly hoping, I’m sure, to be on-site when a new discovery is made.
The guide deflects the latter suggestion in a way that makes me think whatever group he’s associated with has filled the fridge with meat for effect. The crowd moves on.
A group of children eat lunch at the opposite end of the property, taking advantage of an otherwise empty hallway. I step over and through them and despite my rush, despite my worn-ragged clothes and body, they stop me to ask question about Hector, who eats his fill of sandwich lettuce and baby carrots while the chaperones grimace nearby.
In a lull that threatens to be awkward, I ask about the drawing of a house on one of the nearby fridges and soon find myself on a miniature tour of schoolwork. This hallway has been rented to the school, it seems, and the children post their exemplars here for viewing. They seem proud, and rightfully so, especially given such a strange audience as me and my rabbit. I go and spoil things at the end, though. I suggest, to one of the teachers, that if I were going to hide a body in any fridge, these make a lot more sense than the rest.
-traveler
