‘At the risk of alienating petrified wood enthusiasts, the author admits to a lack of personal excitement regarding the processes involved in its creation and, generally, in the substance itself. Consider the following interaction:
‘Do you know what this is?’ a parent might ask their child.
‘A rock,’ the reasonable child would answer.
‘No, imbecile-child, look closely and see it was once wood.’
‘How?’
‘Time and weather have replaced the decomposing wood with minerals. This is the fate of many things.’
‘So, it is a rock?’
‘Yes, child. Now you understand.’
Petrified wood does itself no favors in its found form, being mostly indistinguishable from other rocks with less interesting histories. It has little value, practically or monetarily, and it takes an amount of previous knowledge and a healthy dollop of imagination for petrified wood to inspire genuine wonder. The wonder is short lived when one considers that this is just another of the earth’s natural processes, normalcy on an extended timeline. It is a fossil, yes, but these rocks were not once the lizard-titans of our Earth’s shadowed history. They were trees, like those that remain.
Now they are rocks.
The ‘East Continental Petrified Forest’ is rife with rocks, with petrified wood. There is very little wood left un-petrified; there is very little remaining life at all. A place of jutting ruins, like dry, jagged teeth, the ‘East Continental Petrified Forest,’ composed of any other substance, might be called a wasteland. A desert.
The park rangers have posted signs asking that no rock be removed from the ‘East Continental Petrified Forest’ and warning that they patrol the boundaries of the park vigilantly and at all hours. Smaller signs, deep in the park, suggest the rangers have trained dogs to sniff out petrified wood, that visitors smuggling even the smallest amount of petrified wood will be captured and prosecuted.
Later signs admit that, due to funding cuts, the trained dogs have been laid off and ask for donations so that the program might be re-instated. The previously trained dogs have been released into the park, they say. Beware feral dogs, they say.
‘But if you’ve made it this far…’ they say.
It is the author’s theory, perhaps biased, that neither the rangers, nor the dogs exist and that all signage to the contrary has been constructed to further insinuate the imaginary value of petrified wood. There is no reason not to believe your eyes, reader. They have not failed you previous to this. If it looks like a rock and feels like a rock and bludgeons like a rock, it is a rock.’
-excerpt, Autumn by the Wayside
“That one’s a real unique piece,” a woman says, approaching me from the side, “It’s been carved from a single piece of locally sourced wood.”
“Oh?”
“The challenge for any of our furniture artists is to imagine the finished piece in the untouched shapes that nature provides.”
“The unfinished piece.”
“Of course,” she says, smiling like she doesn’t put up with this every day, “The unfinished piece.”
‘There is a trait, attributed to the Persians, the Amish, and whatever Native American tribe happens to be convenient in conversation, that ancient artisans would sew, chisel, or bead purposeful imperfections into their work, so as not to displease the gods. It’s a nice idea and one that ‘The Unfinished Furniture Co.’ fails entirely to enterprise on.
The items for sale are unusable in frustrating ways- tables that lean dangerously, chairs that splinter and snag. There is a door too wide for its frame, a dresser with no drawers. The handiwork is not particularly good, the prices not particularly cheap. ‘The Unfinished Furniture Co.’ has taken an idea and run with it unabashedly. It is the collision of capitalism and anarchy, the result of a market that allows for anything as long as money is involved. Held aloft by the weighted purses of…’
Shitholes goes on for a few paragraphs, illustrating the author’s opinions of a company that specializes in conversation pieces. I look around the showroom floor and wonder if I shared the same opinion before I read the piece or if the pressure of my potential authorship sways me. I try to like the ‘stool.’ I try to appreciate that the artist has left all of the nails exactly half hammered, and that the actual finish, surely not without irony, has been applied expertly around the sharp protrusions.
It’s painstaking and ugly and useless and looking at it makes me grate my teeth. Everything in the store is a few hour’s work from being a complete piece. Each piece, completed, would be entirely average. Even the underlying principle of the place seems half-realized at best. If the un-finishing of something is meant to evoke an emotion or represent a greater idea, it falls flat in the face of their exorbitant prices and sterile space.
“Do you want to meet the artist?”
Most employees would have given up by now but ‘The Unfinished Furniture Co.’ is not centrally located and the parking lot is conspicuously empty. There’s no reason to not keep me on the hook.
“The same person does all of this?”
“Of course; his workshop is in the back.”
While the woman is putting on her jacket I wonder if she knows already that I won’t be purchasing anything. I wonder this a lot about retail employees. Having worked in several little stores over the course of my life I think I’ve experienced feelings of both challenge and indifference toward the wares and toward people like me, people who are only in a place to ask questions or waste time.
Thinking back, asking questions and wasting time has made up the bulk of my life.
“This way!”
There was a short snowfall several days ago and, since then, the world has frozen. There is no wind, no further precipitation. More than a simple nothing, the world seems to resent the small, necessary disturbances of unsleeping life. Every footfall in the snow is frozen there, accusingly, so that others might be discomfited by the broken symmetry.
The woman and I carve a new path, out the back of the main building and toward a small, shuttered warehouse. She doesn’t wait to knock or to kick the snow off her shoes. She lets herself in and gestures, smiling, for me to follow. It is the last friendly thing I see her do.
“You’ve got a guest, Rick!” she yells.
The workshop is dark and stuffy. It smells like smoke, the way a place smells when the chimney hasn’t been cleaned, when it’s tightened up like a sore throat, like asthmatic lungs. A fire rages in the old wood-burning stove but the glass has blackened and the frantic light is dimmed.
“Rick!” she yells, “Rick, get out here and do your job!”
Several more unfinished pieces stand dejectedly about, potentially more unfinished than those I saw before. Sawdust has piled into corners and around chair legs. It sticks to the snow on my boots. It weighs down a spider web in the rafters.
“Rick!”
The woman lobs an empty beer can at a pile of blankets on a pull-out bed across the workshop. It misses the mark by several feet and clangs loudly off the wall. The blankets stir and groan.
“God damn it, Rick, get up or I’m calling dad in here. He’ll whoop your ass Rick!”
The resting figure stirs immediately, though the movements remain sluggish. A man, dressed in the company’s uniform, emerges and seems to try to pull the blanket over the mattress. He manages it halfway before stumbling to a work bench where he begins to haphazardly sand a small wooden box.
“How long are you going to work on that stupid box, Ricky?”
The man’s voice is barely a mumble:
“Jus’ about done.”
“For real this time?”
“For real.”
“You’ve got a guest, Rick. Someone from the front. Come up and explain your design philosophy.”
“It’s not…” I begin, but Rick has already tossed the sandpaper aside and turned. He keeps his eyes lowered as he approaches and extends his hand for a weak, dusty handshake.
“Name’s Rick McDowell,” he mutters to the floor, “Family owns the business. Y’may notice the work reflects a common theme…”
“Louder, Rick! The man can’t hear you!”
Rick clears his throat.
“…work reflects a common theme. Theme is practical furniture that remains incomplete in construction or design. I was inspired in 96’ when…”
Rick mutters on through a scripted history of his work, occasionally pointing to early projects strewn about the workshop, pieces otherwise indistinguishable from the rest. The woman wanders around behind him, her gait purposefully bored and careless. She collapses a column of beer cans and eyes a TV-dinner stand with disgust.
“…following generations with growing difficulties regarding attention and handiwork my own craft progressed and seemed to catch the attention of the generation previous…”
“Rick,” I whisper, interrupting him once the woman has wandered to the far end of the workshop, “Rick, are you okay? Do you need help?”
“… small stools, ottomans, toilet paper holders… Uh…what?”
“Are you… being kept here? Like a slave?”
“Well, uh…”
“Do they pay you, Rick?” I ask, not sure whether the man is comprehending much of what’s being said, “That woman’s treating you like shit.”
“Family owns the business…” he says, potentially trying to answer the first question, “Sister keeps the place outside.”
“That’s your sister?” I ask in disbelief, “Rick, that doesn’t matter if you think you’re in trouble.”
Rick huffs, his breath heavy with alcohol and some unclear emotion.
“Don’t need help,” he says.
“You’re happy doing this?” I prod, “That showroom makes it look like you’re some sort of hipster artisan, putting shit together and working with your hands and stuff. Like you’re one of those guys with a vision and a nice coffeemaker. You look bad, Rick. This,” I say, indicating the workshop/living space, “looks bad.”
He takes a moment to respond.
“You look bad,” he says.
I take a moment in turn.
“What?”
“You look bad,” he says, raising his voice a tad.
“I didn’t mean to…”
“What are you doing that makes you look bad?” he asks, insisting on the pointed ‘you,’ each time, “I’m making furniture.”
“I’m writing a book,” I tell him, too angry to consider the implications, “I’m… writing a travel book.”
“When are you going to finish?” he asks, “You getting close?”
My pack shifts on my shoulders. It feels heavy suddenly, heavier every second.
“Getting close,” I mutter, “Just a few more places to see.”
“Getting close, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Will being finished make you happy?” he asks, “Is that what you want? You’re ready to be finished?”
“I…”
-traveler
The rising sun is distant and cold. It pulls itself lazily over the horizon and hangs there as though to catch its breath. The night slinks guiltily away, the sky forfeits its stars. An unassuming bird flits-
“Can you take a picture of us?”
I arrived an hour before daybreak, following the suggestion of Autumn by the Wayside and, absurdly, found I was not the first. At 4:00am there was already a station wagon there, brown and idling, soft shadows moving inside. I assumed I was the more imposing figure, a lone stranger from the woods, and gave the car a wide berth.
They began to stir around five.
“Sir? Sir?”
As our great star heaves itself upward into the frosty void (“Maybe he’s hard of hearing, honey. Walk up to him!”) the atmosphere warms and splays out against the cliff side. Perched on a roadside barrier, legs dangling over the drop, the sharp, dust-laden wind cuts into me suddenly. I start to cough.
“You all right there, son?”
I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder, anchoring my body to the fringes of this highway pull-off as though my coughing fit had threatened to send me over the edge. I don’t realize, until the warmth of those fingers, just how long it’s been since I’ve felt the bare touch of another human.
‘Located between Mile Markers 45 and 46, the unnamed state look-out point is just the thing for the jaded traveler. Practically surrounded by other, near-identical look-outs, this small stretch of highway distinguishes itself from the others with an available restroom and a higher-than-average vantage point. Unfortunately, this also makes it the more popular stop and company is to be expe-‘
“Son?”
The man behind me is as wide as he is tall, his pendulous stomach straining at the tucked-in cotton of his t-shirt. His also-large wife stands behind him, near the station wagon. His also-large kids stare daggers from the back seat.
“Son, are you on drugs?”
“What?” I say, “No…”
“Well, if you were on drugs, I’d tell you it’s not too late to stop. My best friend told me something like that back when I was drinking a 12-pack a day. Didn’t know I needed to hear it.”
“I’m not on drugs,” I tell him, stumbling onto sleeping legs as I attempt to swivel on the barrier. “I got dust in my eyes.”
The man scratches himself under the rim of his cap and surveys the area, now behind me.
“Quite the sunrise we had,” he says.
“Yes.”
“Where’d you walk from?”
“Town.”
“Which town would that be?”
I think for a moment, realizing I’ve already forgotten its name. The man’s kids are arguing inside the station wagon, their screaming muffled and indistinct. One of the boys leaps out of the door and starts teasing the others from behind the car. The woman tells them to get back inside.
She doesn’t trust me at all.
“It’s all right, babe,” the man calls, “Let’em stretch.”
She leans into the cab and speaks to them in a tone that is as quiet as it is serious. They pile out the other side and stand around, somberly trying to avoid looking at me.
“Don’t mind the old lady,” the man says, mildly apologetic, “Little over-protective, that one. It’s why I married her!”
He raises his voice at the end and the woman almost smiles.
“My name’s Bill, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Bill By-the-Way.”
“We got a joker over here, Mary!” the man shouts.
He turns back to me, chuckling, and an expectant moment comes and goes.
“Quite the sunrise,” I say and Bill rubs his hands together.
He nods.
“Well, Mr. Joker,” Bill says with a sigh, “Speaking of the sunrise, the wife and kids and I were hoping to see if you could snap a picture of us real quick. Got my camera here,” he says, pointing to a little point and shoot around his neck, “and we just need a fella with a steady hand and a good eye.”
I cough and stretch my legs.
“Sure.”
He hands the camera to me and walks over to his family. Bill’s got his apologetic look on again as he talks to Mary and points out a place near the look-out. She doesn’t seem happy with Bill’s willingness to put the camera in my hands. I look out at the road and wonder where she expects I would bolt to. Do I look like I need money?
“All right, kids,” Bill says, “Gather on around here for the picture.”
I pretend that I’m familiarizing myself with the workings of the camera while the family arranges itself but, with just half an eye on them, it’s clear that something is wrong. Bill’s putting on a good front but the kids are moving around like scolded dogs, even the little taunting one from before. Through the polite barrier of the camera, I watch Mary and Bill and try to remember the warning signs of domestic abuse, of drug addiction, of hostage situations.
“All right, joker,” Bill says when the family has arranged itself, “See if you can’t snap this picture.”
I take a couple but their smiles are all uneven and their eyes are looking down. The sun is rising further into the sky behind them now and backlighting the frame. I grow conscious of the time, of the book in the back pocket of my jeans.
Where to next?
“I think I got you guys,” I tell Bill, trying to mirror his false enthusiasm but he holds up his hand as I approach.
“You mind looking over’em just to make sure they look good?” Mary’s face falls as he says this. “Just a, you know, a quick glance over. It’s hard to rally these guys once they all scatter.”
He forces a laugh.
I switch over to the review menu and start to scroll through. I see a few landscape shots, a few pictures Bill must have taken before he hailed me down, but the pictures of the family aren’t there.
“Didn’t take, Bill,” I tell him, “Am I using this thing right?”
When I look up I see he’s consoling Mary, who seems to have started crying. The kids look uncomfortable, the youngest on the verge of tears herself.
“Try one more, if you would,” Bill says, hardly looking away from his wife, “Make sure you hit the button all the way down. Take a few of them.”
I raise the camera again but they don’t seem to notice. I take a few, try a couple different settings. The flash goes off, probably unnecessary in the new morning light. Whatever act the family was trying to pull, whatever guise of calm that Bill had held together, it starts to come apart at the seams. He tries to hold them together, but the family falls apart around him.
I have their camera in my hand. I scroll through the pictures again and quickly realize that there are now additional landscapes, pictures I’m taking in which the family refuses to appear. I feel embarrassed, suddenly, like I’ve been let in on some secret.
“Bill, I… I think your camera’s broken, man,” I tell him, trying to hand the thing off without looking the man in the eye.
He doesn’t take it.
“That old thing…” he says, suddenly quieter, “That old thing’s been giving me some trouble on this trip. Tell yah what, joker,” he says, chuckling sadly, “How’d you feel about taking a picture on that fancy phone of yours and then sending it my way later? I wouldn’t want… wouldn’t want to forget this.”
“Sure,” I say, and I set the camera down on the barrier.
I feel a moment of relief when I pull up my camera and see the terrified family there in front of me. The embarrassment and concern from before begins to thaw.
“Smile, guys,” I tell them and they try, but as soon as the phone freezes the screen to confirm, the family blinks out of the frame.
They wait, expectantly.
“Bill,” I sigh, “I don’t think this is going to work.”
“What do you mean it’s not going to work, joker?” he says, and I sense, for the first time, an angry undercurrent, “You’ve just got to take the picture.”
“Maybe try taking your own picture,” I say, backing up, “Maybe set a timer or something.”
“What?” he asks, “Is it too much to ask a stranger for a favor now?” His voice is rising and he steps toward me. “Is it too much to ask for a helping hand?”
“Nothing like that,” I say, lowering my head and raising my hands, “Nothing like that at all, Bill.”
The sun is peeking up over the barrier now. Bill moves and it shines over his shoulder and into my eyes. I lower my sunglasses with one hand and I turn my back on him.
“Fuck you!” he yells, “Get in the car Mary, kids, let’s go!”
I do not turn back to look at them and I walk, calmly, back to the highway.
It’s taken some time to get used to this part, reader, the part that necessitates leaving.
“Fucking assholes!”
A car door slams.
Maybe there’s a way to help people like that, but I haven’t figured it out. In my experience, the only thing to do with stuck folk is to walk away. Otherwise you end up stuck there with them.
An engine roars to life.
I pause for a few minutes as soon as I’m out of sight of the look-out and I wait to see if I’m wrong. Could be I am an asshole here. Wouldn’t be the first time. I wait and look over the picture I tried to take of them, a picture of the sunrise and a cement barrier.
The engine idles for a moment and then shuts off. There are no more sounds.
I take Shitholes out and start to walk again. This region is looking pretty clear and it hasn’t seen much of the Stranger’s meddling. He never says much when I call.
I happen past the description of the turn-off and stop. There is a picture of the place, a familiar picture of the sunrise and a cement barrier.
Credit to the author.
-traveler
There are two things absent from the modern casino: the deep smell of institutionalized smoking and the pinball-clicking of old slots, replaced with their silent, electronic successors. The smoking I can do without, I suppose, though I do get whimsical in any old diner that has neglected to replace their carpets. The lost noise presents a problem.
‘There is a strange prize to be had at ‘The Spinning Wheels Casino & Bar,’ strange and closely kept. At the time of this writing, the author has fruitlessly lost money and time in its study and found only the following:
The casino’s namesakes, ‘The Spinning Wheels,’ make up an enormous, if not slightly degraded structure at the center of the building. Built like a massive, exposed slot machine, the four spinning wheels are easily 20’ across and a yard thick. The whole contraption is sunk into the ground so that a quarter of the wheels disappear into the floor. Prominently featured advertisements for the casino show a man from behind, kneeling at the machine as though at some ancient god, his arms thrown up in joy or despair.
It is not an uncommon sight.
‘The Spinning Wheels’ offer no explanation for the vague symbols they display (a tree, the moon, an inverted horse) but it’s commonly held that the only winning combination is a four-of-a-kind of the open door. Located on the far left side of the far left wheel is the crease of a subtle hatch that happens to line up with the floor when it lands on the legendary symbol, lending credence to the claim. Partial winners are allowed to enter but quickly return to report the passage is blocked by the non-winning spins. Jackpot winners exist only in rumors.’
There are few places more accommodating than a casino. Free drinks, free snacks, friendly smiles and a general come-as-you-are atmosphere. Playing carefully, a person can spend a day in the comfortable air-conditioned embrace of ‘The Spinning Wheels’ for less than the cost of a gas station sandwich. It’s not worth it to the casino to track everyone because the casino, on average, will win. Unlike a gas station, the casino can take everything from you and give you nothing back. More than can: it’s trying to. It will.
Accordingly, I do my best to be wary despite a sense of relief that washes over me with the crisp, clean air. Then I listen for the clicking of the old slots and hear nothing. I wonder if the stranger has been here and what he found. And then the lights dim, flicker, and return. A high electronic hum fills the air and, on its tails, a mad clattering from deeper within the casino. There is a smell like ozone, though nobody else seems to notice or mind.
Further inside I spot the machine. It’s as Shitholes described but larger and far more neglected than I had imagined. Powered down they would have the faded charm of an old amusement park but, forced into activity, ‘The Spinning Wheels’ move like a lame horse. A thick cord drops from the ceiling and disappears into the body of the thing. The first wheel shudders to a stop as I enter- landing squarely on the open door.
There is a hush about the room as the other wheels continue to spin. The second begins to slow and manages several pained revolutions before landing on a crude eye. The woman at the lever is already crestfallen and the small crowd that gathered begins to disperse. I watch as she speaks to an employee stationed nearby and, together, they approach the left side of the massive machine. There I see the hatch, hardly large enough for a person to crawl through. As she disappears inside, the two remaining wheels settle on a lightning storm and finally a second open door.
The woman emerges again, before long, and a man steps up to the lever. She, the losing player, re-joins the short line to play and I step in behind her. We both watch as the man pulls the lever and ‘The Spinning Wheels’ creak reluctantly back to life.
“What’s in the wheel?” I ask, but the woman doesn’t respond. She’s busy watching the machine, her face expectant and her skin sheened over with nervous sweat.
The first wheel locks on the inverted horse and I expect her to relax but, quite the opposite, she pulls a small notebook from bag and begins to scribble. I can just make out that it’s a journal of sorts, that the inside is structured and coded. She waits for the second wheel, which stops on the broken candlestick, and notes this as well. The man two places ahead of us in line, who I had assumed was texting, also seems to be recording the wheel.
The third wheel displays the open door and I see the woman make a quick, obvious check.
“Ma’am,” I begin again, “Ma’am,” I say, tapping her shoulder.
She turns, annoyed, as the fourth wheel lands on a splayed hand.
“What was inside the wheel when you went in?”
“It’s hollow,” she says, “And blocked by the others.”
“And how far have you gotten?”
“One wheel in,” she glares.
The line moves forward slowly and play after play ends with an anti-climax, the first wheel never spinning the door. A man that joins behind me is a little chattier, he explains that there are theories about the wheels’ patterns, about the length of time or the number of plays between a jackpot.
“The Wheels have been spinning at least one door per play for the last week,” he says, “A buddy of my dad’s says it was the same thing 20 years ago, just before a win.”
He says this as the second wheel confirms him.
“How many times have you played?”
“Just three tonight,” he says, “Can’t afford more than that.”
“How much does the thing cost?”
The thing costs one hundred dollars a spin.
I immediately remove myself from line and join the small, transient crowd that watches. The woman from before plays again and carefully records the loss in her book. She runs her hand across the back of the thing as she passes and doesn’t re-join the line. She leaves the casino.
I grab a drink.
Making rounds over the next couple hours, I see the group near the wheels grow smaller and, eventually, build again. Play is consistent throughout the day. At $100 every minute or so, I watch several dozen people feed ‘The Spinning Wheels’ at least $24,000, an absurd amount. The first wheel refuses the open door to all.
Around six I pull a hundred from the machine near the teller and I walk around for a while, my hand in my pocket, trying to remind myself that it’s a substantial bill, that money is often tight. It’s a soft, old thing. I wonder if it’s new to the casino or if it spends its days in and out of the machines. Finally, when the line is short, I re-join the people at ‘The Spinning Wheels.’ There are three people ahead of me.
The mountain. The splayed hand. The shoe. The open door.
The inverted horse. The open door. The crude eye. The splayed hand.
The broken candle. The waving monkey. The open door. The open door.
I approach the attendant and hand him my money. He feeds it into the machine and then tries to flatten it out when it’s rejected several times. Each rejection is another chance to get the money back, but I don’t speak up and eventually it glides into the reader and remains. I pull the lever and immediately smell the ozone sigh of ‘The Spinning Wheels.’ The handle buzzes under my fingers.
The first wheel lands on the open door and my stomach sinks. The crowd below seems to hold its breath.
The second wheel clicks to a stop on the open door as well. I see the woman from earlier in the day, she’s returned with money in hand. She writes nothing and she glares at me.
A third open door. The attendant is passive. From his vantage point I’m not sure he can even see the spins. He doesn’t seem to notice the tense crowd or the nearness of the jackpot. My heart beats wildly and my hands feel weighty at my sides.
A fourth open door.
A discrete mechanism bursts to life, spraying my face with dust and sharp, metallic confetti. I cough and cover my eyes, hardly able to see. The attendant guides me, watery-eyed, to the left of the great machine. He mistakes my blindness for emotion, and pats my back several times.
“What’s through there?” I ask, as my eyes clear on the hatch.
“That’s for winners to know.”
There is a little black knob in front of me. I reach out and see, scraped carefully into the paint of the door:
“When God closes a window…”
“No,” I say.
“What?”
“Can I transfer my winnings?”
“The jackpot of ‘The Spinning Wheels’ is not easily…”
“Just to her,” I say, pointing, red-eyed and itchy, to the woman from earlier.
She can’t hear what I’m saying and she looks concerned.
“You want to let her enter instead?”
“Yes.”
“Ma’am,” the attendant calls, “Could you step forward?”
She does and I see she’s shaking, holding the little diary in both her hands and up against her chest.
“This man wants you to go in instead,” the attendant says, his mild surprise having melted back into passivity.
She looks at me and I think I see the same concern in her face that I felt, spinning the jackpot.
“Do you want to go in?” I ask.
She pauses for a minute and then says:
“Yes.”
“Then be my guest.”
It’s difficult to see past her as she opens the door and crawls inside. The hatch slides closed almost as soon as she’s through, but I catch a glimpse of the massive hollowed inside. The walls of the first wheel are scribbled with the names of those who have entered before.
I expect more ceremony, but the attendant suggests I re-join the line and he takes his station at the lever again. Before a few minutes have passed, the wheels are spinning and the line grows with renewed vigor.
“A few years back the wheels spun two jackpots in the same hour,” I hear someone say, “Time’s ripe for it.”
The woman does not return and the wheels clatter endlessly.
-traveler
‘‘Sulphur Springs’ was undoubtedly founded based on the relatively simple and familiar formula:
UNPLEASANT + NATURAL = HEALTHY
Well known among the locals and around websites that offer the local experience, ‘Sulfur Springs’ is only really advertised by its distinct smell, which wafts through the forested surroundings and should, by all accounts, turn any intelligent creature on its heels. An unexpecting hiker might arrive at the trailhead thinking they misplaced a boiled egg in their pack but, nearer the springs, would be forced to assume the egg had swelled, rotted, and burst.
Still, there is a strong belief among some that ‘Sulphur Springs’ is a hidden tonic, that the wretched waters can strengthen the weak and cure the sickly. Tucked into a scenic alcove and bubbling at a mild 81 degrees Fahrenheit, it is nevertheless an acquired taste. Those who acquire it are evangelical and very, very few.’
A dip in ‘Sulphur Springs’ is the act of a desperate man, a man searching for a vitality he once, but no longer has. Even in town, where the smell of it lingers like thick but distant flatulence, I realize that, if there was any truth to the miracle of spring water, we’d all already smell like shit. The woman at the store, the woman who hands me a receipt for the swim trunks I purchase, the woman who may have lived near ‘Sulphur Springs’ all her life- she turns her nose up at me.
The smell of desperation repulses her.
-traveler